This is not a travel blog. This is about being a traveller/homeless person with depersonalisation and derealisation disorder, depression and anxiety – and not enough life skills.
I grew up in a somewhat privileged environment, I have a bachelor degree, I went to good schools and growing up I had everything I needed and some more. With a family history of abuse and mental illnesses, I grew up with low self esteem and believing that good things weren’t for me. There are many things I didn’t do in life because I believed it weren’t for girls. There are many things I didn’t do because I thought I wasn’t capable. There are many things that my parents didn’t let me do because they thought I wasn’t capable.
I have always been an anxious person and at some point it became crippling. In my teens I had depression and suicidal tendencies.
Finally I had abusive boyfriends. Dudes that society made me believe were romantic. At 18/19 I developed depersonalisation and derealisation disorder and most of my 20s is full of memory gaps, confusing timelines and disconnections. I was diagnosed in 2013 and ever since I have gotten much better, but I still have ocasional crisis. DPDR have a huge impact on the way I deal with certain situations and the way I relate to people.
After I lost my job, I decided to escape. I had a really shitty salary and the only reason why I had savings to begin with, was because I lived with my parents. I searched other jobs, but none of they would pay me enough to support myself. So I packed my stuff and moved to Europe.
At first I travelled fast, I wasted money on hostels and overpriced train tickets. I have lost my toiletries in the airport, I have had money stolen, I have had my suitcase broken by a bully, I have had my entry denied in Ireland by immigration. I have spent nights in airports, clubs and a train station. I have also couchsurfed, stayed with friends, and done work exchange. The adventure continues.
I travel as a tourist, officially. That means I don’t have a work permit and I have to move every few months, as I am not really willing to be illegal anywhere, which makes everything more difficult. But not less worthy!
As I previously stated, this is not another travel blog. I am not here to give you tips on how to travel cheap, although I might. I won’t try to convince you that this is a great lifestyle and you should quit your job and travel around without money.
I am sure that many travellers and many homeless people have been through the same experiences, and much worse. So it is nothing exactly new. But I think I might have something to share on my perspective of things.
DPDR is my main motivation to write, as I would like to offer a perspective on beingbroke and on your own because of a fairly unknown mental illness. There isn’t enough information about it and I believe that by sharing my stories I may help someone.
Finally, this is a very personal blog and I might share very personal experiences regarding travelling, mental health, drugs and relationships. I expect it to remain as anonymous as possible, so I will avoid posting pictures, I will change names and details, and I may or may not post stories in the correct timeline. I might also add some creativity and post semi fictional pieces, which will be properly tagged as such.